What They'll Never Know
by RedAllen
Summary: They think I don't know. That I don't understand. But I do. I know more than they do. They just don't know that.
1. Chapter 1

**_Disclaimer_ :**

 **I don't own this anime just the idea, blah blah blah all that good stuff. On to my weird little story~!**

 **.**

 **Insane!Allen seemingly talking to himself.**

 **.**

They actually think they know me.

Ha.

Haha!

 _ **Hahahahahahahahahaha**_!

 _That's_ _ **rich!**_

They don't know me. They never have.

They can go on about how I'm their "angelic" and "naive" little ray of hope all they want.

Its not true though. It was never true.

I'm not their knight in shining armor. Far from it.

If I was to be anything for them it would either be their scrape goat... Or their demise.

Ha.

What? Did I surprise you? Heehee, it's true though.

I'm not their angel. I'm tainted, twisted. Not normal.

But you could tell that just by looking at me, couldn't you?

Yes, yes you could.

I'm not naive, either... I know things. Horrible things.

About the Akuma.

About Central.

About the humans.

Oh, do I know a lot about humans.

I know about how _**hateful**_ and **_monstrous_** humans are. * **snickers** *

How they'll crush others to get what _they_ want.

What they do to those they deem as 'Monsters.'

I know. I've always known.

 _Heehee_ ~! I know so much about them, too. My so called "friends" that is.

I know how Lavi is nothing but a fake. A fake name for a fake personality that will disappear once the Bookman gets what they've wanted.

Hahaha! I know, I know~!

And I know how Lenalee - _precious, little Lenalee - Haha_ I know that she isn't as attached to us as she likes us to think.

It wouldn't really matter if we died as long as she has her brother.

She'd get over it. Move on. Forget us.

Heehee~!

And Kanda.

Kanda, ha, I like him the most. 'Cause he knows that he doesn't know me.

That I'm fake.

A liar.

Giving the others false hope, and stringing them along.

He knows all that, and doesn't stop me. That's why I like him so much.

All because he doesn't care what I do.

But he still doesn't know me. And he knows that, which is so much more than what anyone else knows.

He doesn't hide behind happy illusions or fake emotions. He knows we're most likely going to die. That we won't make it out of this so called ' _Holy War' - There's no such thing as a Holy War... -_ Heeheehee

Yes. They don't know what I know. Or at least that I know it.

And I'll make sure it stays that way.

I'll keep playing my games, pulling the strings to these _all-to-willing_ puppets around me.

Keep my mask on nice and tight, 'cause if it comes off, everything will go to Hell.

Well, we're pretty close to it anyway, I guess it doesn't matter.

Heeheehee~

I know all this and more.

.

.

.

And all this is **_What They'll Never Know_**.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer**_ **:**

 **I don't own this anime just the idea, blah blah blah all that good stuff. On to my weird little story~!**

 **Companion piece to** **What They'll Never Know.** **Part 2**

.

 **Deak!Lavi's inner monologue.**

 **.**

I can't believe these fools actually fall for this.

They _know_ I'm a Bookman in training.

They _know_ I'm not supposed to have emotions.

And yet they _still_ willingly fall for my act?

Why?

How for that matter?

I'm not _really_ 'Lavi.' Lavi never existed.

Neither did Deak, for that matter, but he at least had the closest personality to what a true Bookman is supposed to act like.

Distant.

Emotionless.

A bystander to watch the happenings around him like a proper Bookman should.

Deak was always one of my easiest aliases to make.

I've gotten off topic, that's not good I've got to stay focused.

I can't get distracted when I'm recording the events around me because that just creates incorrect or missing information and then I'd have to ask around and gather biased information and sort through that to find out what actually happened to fill in the gaps.

Ugh, extra work. No thanks.

Sadly, only a handful of the inhabitants of the Black Order actually know I'm faking my personality.

Allen and Kanda know for sure, because it's hard to wear a mask and fool another who wears a mask as well as Allen does -though I have no idea what's actually going on in his head, and Kanda is very aware of anyone trying to pull the wool over his eyes and actively works against them because of it -which is really annoying when I'm trying to fish for information. But I'm not entirely sure if Lenalee knows and is just ignoring it, or genuinely believes me to be a hyperactive 'rabbit'.

The higher ups know as well but of course they know; they're the ones who issued an order for me to create an alias in the first place. Get in close with the other Exorcists and Finders and all that.

Actually, I'm pretty sure they're hoping I do somehow get attached so they can keep Bookman and me here until we die or outlive any usefulness.

Which is completely ridiculous because I don't care for these people and will leave when Bookman and I have gotten what we wanted.

And why should I care anyway? They're _**Just Ink On Paper**_.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer**_ **:**

 **I don't own this anime just the idea, blah blah blah all that good stuff. On to my weird little story~!**

 **Companion piece to** **What They'll Never Know.** **Part 3**

 **.**

 **Lenalee's thoughts.**

 **.**

So many people here come and go. Every day.

Those who enter the walls of the Black Order will eventually leave never to return, and then more will come to replace them.

That's how it is.

That's how it's always been.

That's how it always will be.

The Black Order dragged me here kicking and screaming and crying years ago, separating me from my brother. I hated them for that. Absolutely _**loathed**_ them for ripping me away from Komui.

I had tried to escape for months. Tried to leave these stone walls and return to my family but the Crow always found me and brought me back whenever I did.

Again. And again. And again.

I made a sorta-friend with a Finder once while I was being confined to the Black Order. He was nice and snuck me candy when I was chained to the bed in the Hospital Wing after trying to escape once again after 'training'.

But one day he went on a mission... and never came back. A Level 2 doing him in was the story back then. His name was added to all the other names on this big memorial rock behind HQ to 'mourn and acknowledge his sacrifice for the war'.

I have no idea what his name is- _was_ anymore.

I was upset he left, but I moved on. Brother came for me you see. He went and worked very hard to join the Black Order as a Scientist so he could be with me since I couldn't go and be with him.

I was really happy he became a Scientist instead of a Finder. Scientists don't go out of the building and never return. They stay in the labs and experiment and do paperwork.

A perfect place to keep my brother, even though he's really bad with time management and filing.

And so, I stayed there with my brother, in the building that used to separate me from him but now houses us both.

I still don't like the Order and Central though. Not the people specifically... well, most of them, but what they stand for if that makes any sense.

I play nice and friendly with everyone there now. Talk to the Finders, hang out with the other Exorcists, and hang around and bring coffee to Komui and the other Scientists.

Some leave, new ones appear, I spend some time mourning the lost ones, and then the cycle continues.

Kanda's been here almost as long as I have, maybe even longer since I'm pretty sure he was from the Asian Branch before he came here with General Teidoll. He doesn't like most -if not all- of the people at the Order... always scowling and glaring and swinging Mugen around.

It took me a _long_ time to get him to stop swinging at me -though I think brother got to him at some point which might've helped (even if Kanda refused to even _look_ in my direction for a few days...).

I had wanted to talk to someone my own age for once, but he doesn't want to be friends or anything, which is fine since I'm not going to get too emotionally attached anyway. He'll act civil and play nice with me now so that's good.

I'll miss him if he left and died, but I'd move on soon. I always have.

As long as Komui's here, I always will.

Lavi showed up with Bookman a few years later. He's nice and fun to be around... but I know he's not really that way. He's acting like that and I don't know how Lavi would really act if he stopped but I like to pretend he really is nice and friendly and excitable.

Even though in the back of my head I know that isn't true and that he's going to leave and not come back as well once he's done here.

I ignore it. He's here now so I'll enjoy his presence until he does leave.

Now Allen's really sweet, if a little... eccentric. Showed up one day and was almost cleaved in half by Kanda, the poor guy. He's always so optimistic and smiles all the time. He's like a breathe of fresh air when he helps the others of the Order. Though I can and will be one of the first ones to tell you he's, uh, not all there.

He's crazy, but like clown crazy. Unless he's mad then he's demon crazy who makes even Kanda wary.

I love hanging out with Allen, Lavi, and Kanda... but I know they'll all leave and never return like everyone else.

They're Exorcists as well after all. It's practically in our job description.

And when that happens it will be _**Time To Move On**_ once again.


	4. Chapter 4

**I Know I Don't**

 _ **Disclaimer**_ **:**

 **I don't own this anime just the idea, blah blah blah all that good stuff. On to my weird little story~!**

 **Companion piece to** **What They'll Never Know** **Part 4 [Last one I swear]**

.

I know lots of things. And yet I know so little.

But I know that.

When you're born _rebornIwasrebornI'vebeenherebeforeinanotherlifewhathappenedbeforeIdon'tknowIdon'tknowthateither_ in a flooded hole in the ground surrounding by Scientists, they'll teach you some things and purposely omit other things to keep you in line.

Obedient. _ThatoneneveractuallyworkedIalwaysfoughtthemhitthemhitthem_ _ **hard**_

Dependent. _Won'tteachushowtotakecareofourselvesmustdependonwhattheygiveus_

Stupid. _IgnoranttotheworldhaveonlyseenthewallsofthatplacewantedtoseetheskywithyouAlmabutyou'regonenow_

So yes, I know I'm not the brightest light out there or even one of the shinier ones, but I at least know and accept that. You don't need to be all that bright to cut through Akuma, anyway.

I know about the others, too. A little.

The Beansprout _andyesthatdeservesacapitalletterhe'ssoshortwhyishesoshortanotherthingIdon'tknow_ is completely insane and always has been, right up until he first joined the Order and I tried to kill him.

Good times.

I can't stand the way he plays everyone into thinking he's kind, caring, and happy-go-lucky.

It pisses me off.

He's pulling everyone by the nose, making them think there's a chance of them surviving this travesty of a Holy War. Faking hope and smiles as he eventually leads them to their death _hecan'tgetmewon'tlethimgetmeIwillnotdiebecausehesaidsoI'llfighthimmyself_.

He's worse than the Noah. Everyone here knows not to trust a Noah but they will all happily give their life if Allen wants them to.

But whatever, I'm only here to destroy Akuma and Noah _createdIwascreatedtofighttodestroyto_ _ **kill**_ _notsaveI'vesaiditbeforeExorcistsarenotsaviors_ , not hold everyone's hand and save them from their own incompetence and delusions.

But sometimes... sometimes he'll _look_ at me and _**smile**_ , and not one of his fake gentleman smiles, I'm talking about this genuine, purely demented smile _proofhe'sfakingthatsmileisnotsaneorkinditswrongwrongwrong_... like he _knows_ I know he's playing everyone and finds it _funny_.

Tch. Completely insane.

The Rabbit _fakefakekeephimawaywhoishenooneknowsnotevenhimselfplayingeveryone_ is like a blank canvas that he keeps painting and repainting with removable paint. He'll create something _someoneanewpersonbutit'snothimwhoishe_ to draw everyone in and have them lower their guard.

He can make them spill their secrets for him to 'record'.

I refuse to let him do that to me so I chase him off. It's never lasted long though, because he just comes back later to keep up his act.

That pisses me off, too.

I don't know anything concrete about him. Absolutely nothing.

Lenalee thesocialbutterflyshetalkstoeveryoneandisfriendlytothemallyetshehasn'tconnectedwithanyofthem has a really advanced network of people she talks too. She calls them her 'friends' but she not very emotionally attached to people if they're not her brother scaryscaryhehasadrillandagunandcaughtmebecauseIignoredandtriedtodrivehissisterawaybeforehavetoplaynicewithherorhe'llgetmeagainnotagain, Komui.

She plays people, too. Make them believe they're 'friends' and forgets and moves on after they've died.

There's probably something wrong with her, but I'm not some doctor or psychiatrist so what would I know...

There's really no need to call me stupid or BaKanda _dammitWalkerI'llcutyoustopbutcheringmynamelikethat_.

No need to say I don't know things...

Because, unlike others, I can at least admit that _**I Know I Don't.**_


End file.
